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Uploaded: 06 October 2004

Jobz for the Boyz.

I have done my fair share of sloping off to the bogs for a fag (that's a cigarette - for my American cousins) in my youth, and also my fair share of extended dumps as a way of alleviating the boredom, tediousness, apathy or plain indifference to work. I've been in bonus related employment and I've done fixed wage and salary work. I've done session work and seasonal work. I've experienced 'burnout' and nervous breakdowns, profound satisfaction, challenge and the sheer pleasure of working as part of a finely tuned team. The one thing missing in my work life is that of behaving like an utter scoundrel and getting paid an exorbitant sum to do it. So it is with some pleasure I can offer a few pointers for those who aspire in that direction.

Tube Lines has failed to meet it targets for getting trains to run on time. It's a company formed as part of the governments controversial public private partnership (PPP) on London's Underground. 

"London Underground has accused Tube Lines and Metronet of producing "non-existent, incompetent or inconsistent" work plans and of frequently failing to finish engineering work on time.

In February, Tube Lines admitted that it had failed to meet 27 out of its 39 targets for reducing "lost customer hours" - the accumulated delays suffered by travellers. The Jubilee line performed particularly poorly, failing in 11 out of 13 four-week periods.

The company was fined some 15m for its poor performance by London Underground. It faced questions over its handling of derailments at Camden Town and Hammersmith."

Despite all this, Tube Lines has turned a handsome pre-tax profit of 41.6m in the year to March, after receiving some 360m of fees from the public purse. It's chief executive, Terry Morgan, received a pay package of 552,000, including a 100,000 performance bonus.

So for all you aspiring scoundrels out there, the golden rule is 'Profit before Performance'

Geddit?

I was clearly going in the right direction in my youth but got sadly misdirected.

 Crooks in suits.

 

Keith Lindsay-Cameron 2004

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